ENTRIES
[
Monday, May 26, 2008]
. ]
Lurking in the Darkness
or bathing in Glory
What joy to curse
one's end in Gory
The simplicity of it
so vulnerable it becomes
yet all fear, have fits
of perpetual end
I crave i wish
i desire i want
to finish this off
with pride and honour
Oh dilemmas behold!
with what shall i cut?
with what shall i seize
this wondrous mutt?
Death it is! Kill
murder annihilate
asphyxiate choke
strangle waste it
the choices delight me
to go in style
to fade in disgust
say farewell or spit in hate
But wait! a sudden turn
of events charge at me
the hand of grief clutches my heart
a friend must go against her will
in anguish the heavens open
drops of despair fall from the Highest
i droop in shame my soul is torn
apart by the sheer elementary
no wrong she has done
no law she has broken
no sin she has committed
no end she has craved
yet with such hopes she pushes
with such strength she portrays
her exuberant self pushes me
to humiliation
her fault it wasn't her heart was pure
but to no one the blame was pushed
upon no one anger was beaten
for her faith and love outshone all
now i remember
now i recall
my reason for breathing
for living on
the seduction of nature
the appeal of relationships
the love of the others
the glory of overcoming
i live for the triumph
i live for the peace
i live for the joy
i live for the wonders
this is my reason
despite all odds
despite all changes
this is my reason
friends may betray
enemies may succumb
strangers may draw closer
lovers may hurt
but the beauty of faith
the beauty of trust
the beauty of love
touches us all.
procastinating at 10:27 PM
. + . + . + . + .
[
Saturday, May 24, 2008]
. ]
Hellooo! I am Lindsay Lohan!HAPPY 14TH PINKIE!guess what? I'm still older than you! (shut up about all that 'i'm maturer' bullshit) hahahaha! I hope you're having a killer whale of a time right now cuz i know i'm hell not, being stuck with all the bullshitty homework we got for the *coughs really loudly* (gazillion quotion marks) "holiday" and the fact that my butt refuses to respond to the pleas (well, i guess the wee back of my head, the little tiny voice in my head that's whining) my brain is attempting to send to get the shit off the chair and do something useful and get that bullshit fullscap paper!
But yeah, you're 14. this is when we finally sink into teenage phase of life and start annoying our parents a lot about all that 'you don't spend enough time at home' or 'we can't communicate' bullshit. yup, life could start sucking right now or start being a real party of your life. but all this depends on how you look at the stuff that's happening around you. i know you think your life sucks like shit right now but hell yeah, so what? i think my life sucks pretty bad right now but hey, on the outside i look pretty good right? so yeah, always put on a positive
outlook (notice the OUT) and if you've got any complains about life let it all out somewhere where nobody but you can see it. one day, 20 years from now you'll look back on this book (or whatever you let it out on) and laugh your funny ass off about how ridiculous and petty all these things that got you so heated up were.
it happened to me. i was having a pretty shit year last year but now that i'm looking back on my diary, i sometimes burst out laughing at all the ridiculous things i got so pissed and burnt out everything on 5 pages of my diary. now that you're 14, have the mature state of mind to handle your problems properly and always think
What would Jesus do?Happy Birthday Pinkie, and thanks for all those years of friendship.
moving on, i have decided to
S damn this shitty ass decision K i can't believe i'm skipping my first overseas camp with Tammy! I i can't believe i'm actually letting band come into my walk with God! P This is ginormous huge humongous BULLSHIT! Church camp. D+ this sucks BIG TIME okay, i really can't believe i have to forgo all that fun in Malacca for what? for some stupid exchange with Bendemeer, some school i don't even LIKE, for some stupid audition thingummyit with Sir and a briefing on the itenary from the vendor and some (maybe not so stupid) workshop with Mr Nonami. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. what kind of bad decision making is this? i dont' WANT to skip church camp for band. it's such a fucking hard decision to make!
it's either stay in singapore and handle all this stuff for band which will probably help me to improve and all and get me pretty hyped up for the Beijing trip with the itenary and all OR (the big or) i go for church camp and enjoy bonding with my church friends (whom, incidentally i'm pretty close to) and room with some random girl around my age and have fun learning God's Word and stuff like that with late nights and fun days (ROTI PRATA MORNINGS!)
what kind of decisions are those?! i'm barely 14, how the freaking hell am i supposed to choose between these two. WHY MUST THE BAND STUFF HAPPEN ALL WITHIN THE CHURCH CAMP PERIOD?! what kind of bad timing is that? that's like the WORST case of coincidence that's ever happened to me! I WANT to go for the church camp yet one part of me feels damn guilty about missing like THREE practises in a span of what? FIVE DAYS.
this is ridiculous, i don't HAVE to make stupid decisions like this.
i hate this.
procastinating at 5:51 AM
. + . + . + . + .
[
Friday, May 23, 2008]
. ]
I'M OFFICIALLY 14 YEARS OLD, 1 DAY AND 9 HOURS OLD. (well at the time i typed that stuff out)
yup yup, so i'm an oldie now, supposed to be more mature and whatnots. thanks to all who wished me a happy clappy birthday and for all the WONDERFUL presents i received. I LOVED THEM. like seriously speaking.
kay, i don't exactly feel like typing out such a long post cuz i know if i do i will end up rambling on and on about my feelings and all which sucks (what the hell) and this is supposed to be a HAPPY post cuz yesterday was my birthday! which ROCKS incidentally. yup, me and cyn had fun yesterday being tossed up by our crazy friends and all. hahaha!
damnit i need to get a new diary soon. that way i can rant properly and i won't hurt anybody's feelings or whatever. argh, i can't blog anymore. i've lost that zesty thing. that OOMPH. i think i'll just delete this blog. it's pretty useless anyway.
hahahaha okay i shall delete this when i got the time. like 10 million years from now kinda thing.
oh pooh this sucks.
procastinating at 6:36 AM
. + . + . + . + .
[
Tuesday, May 13, 2008]
. ]
i am pissed off.
i really cannot stand the way *numlock* is behaving. seriously, if you can't take it anymore then go deal with it some OTHER way. must i always be treated like your personal stress ball? i don't really give a funny damn if you don't like the way things are going and the way YOU are being treated because i can totally understand why ANYBODY is treating you that way. look at yourself, when things don't go your way you just burst out in complaints and you seriously don't have the human instinct to tell yourself when somebody just DOESN'T want to see, look or hear any part of you at all.
all you can do is complain and you don't do anything about it. you don't even try to change your character or try to think more about what OTHERS think about you. all you do is complain groan and moan about everything and anything under the sun. you can complain for all i care, just don't do it to me.
hmmm, i'm watching some drama marian recommended today- hana yori dango. supposed to be really good and all and it's not turning out to be too bad yet. maths trail was fine today except for the fact that i lost my favourite exam pen there and i have no idea how.
ttfn!
procastinating at 4:38 AM
. + . + . + . + .
[
Thursday, May 08, 2008]
. ]
SCREW SA1 CUZ IT'S OVERWho gives a shit about exams now?! +D i'm actually NOT staring at some stupid intelligent crap in the middle of the night anymore AND I CAN FINALLY RETURN TO BABY BLUES AND ZITSS!!!!! ooooh, i looooove zits. +D i can't believe i can actually use the computer with like
ZILCH guilt!
one downfall. one bad side. one eeeeeevilness to all this.
more time for stephanie to have sectionals with the poor tortured horn section. talk about commitment man, she wants to have sectionals like TOMORROW which is the day her exams actually end! it's outrageous! PLUS it's
the day for the dry runs for IJ fiesta and i get this horrid feeling we're gonna screw up so badly that we have to cancel it. D+
not to mention i may have a section outing on Monday which totally cancels out the plans i had with Beatrice, Pinkie and Sarah!!! and that sucks majorly big time kay. i mean, we're gonna have a section outing on 21st May, BAND outing even. and we'll have a huge huge one from 17 June to 23 June okayy?? just let me have this ONE day, one day in the SCHOOL week for my friends and i for bonding right? :(
went out for lunch at J8 (i know, us poor desolate desperate souls) at the food junction (poor poor souls) and then talk talk talk talk talk with Beatrice and Sarah then sarah had to go for her badminton thingjumi so beatrice and i sorta went window shopping and laughed at everything we saw. seriously, i just realised beatrice and i (or more like beatrice realised just now. i realised it quite a while back haha) laugh at the whole world. we laugh at a pretty small girl cuz we laughed at an acne infected adolescent. we laugh at mannequins because beatrice ends up laughing at me pounding at the glass window. it's damn funny seriously.
come to think of it, all my friends and the people i hang around with laugh at everything! (okay maybe it's just me but i'm humourous. i
find humour. habit of mind is it not?) haha this is kinda nice, considering it's only happening in sec school. ahh, i find youth such a humourous comedy +D
okay, continuing on my nodame cantabile now. shhhhht. no interruptions tanjewberrymuds. (people who got this email should be on the floor now. HAHAHAHAHAHAH!)
procastinating at 7:30 AM
. + . + . + . + .
[
Friday, May 02, 2008]
. ]
WOOHOO! i loved today's history paper ;D It rocked, it pebbled, it stoned, it bouldered, WHATEVER! it was just ultimately brilliant. (okay i may be counting my chicks before they hatch kinda thing but...) i think i'll get an
A1 for this one +D Finally, all the studying that i did paid off. and God has yet again does his fantastically wonderfully nice surprises for us (like the 4 of us) cuz i was testing Sarah the stuff for history AND THEY ALL CAME OUT. like
EVERY SINGLE THING. absolutely NOTHING was missed out at all and this is both freaky and great at the same time which makes the whole paper seem even better now +D!
I also love
NEW SOUNDS IN BRASS 2005 the album. +D this is like one of the best band albums (and also the only) i have EVER heard. it's got like all those cool modern songs like SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW and MRS ROBINSON. like OMG what kind of classical album has these kind of songs?! AHHH!!! it's super nice. like really, no joke kinda thing. and the saxophone is just...
heavenly. just blows you away. just like the horn. just like the trombones. just like the flutes. the whole damn band is AWESOME man!
okay pinkie's talking to me on the phone about "I shouldn't be Alive" and how some guy punched his way out of a crevasse with his friend on his back. and now we just realised that all these episodes had two people in each situation. so we must all have friends and go everywhere with friends and die with our friends.
Yeah, i just realised how important friendship is. i mean it's like, i thought at the beginning of the year it would be a clean slate and everything. i sort of screwed it up myself with certain people/person/peoples yeah. but after this really weird moment when i suddenly just got pissed for this really petty reason (no i don't piss off for no reason) i realised the importance of our friendship and how much it actually meant. i'd like to think of myself as someone who you gotta take time to get to know, not just become major close friends in like a week kind of thing.
It takes time to build a friendship that's strong and i think i'm proud to say that the friendship between the 4 of us (i'm sure we know who we are) is pretty much stronger this year and i'm really happy about that and all. +D hope that even as we get seperated in Sec 3 and all.
WOO HOO gonna go maffia now +D join facebook, it's fun
(just in case you think this is all super random, it's not cuz maffia's one of the facebook applications :D oh and when you join, add me! and check out my display pic :D)
procastinating at 6:56 AM
. + . + . + . + .
